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September 21, 2016

The 2nd Worst Phrase You Can Say

“You always/never …”
(every accuser trying to build a perfect argument by misrepresenting reality)

Whenever we find ourselves using words like “always” and “never,” we are normally trying to do one thing, and one thing only: shape reality in order to make an ironclad accusatory case against someone.

See, the truth is that no one is ever always anything. And no one ever always, or never, does anything. People are simply not that consistent. The reason we use “always” and “never” is to try and eliminate any exceptions to our case. The problem is this exposes our argument to reality—the other person can simply recount one example of doing otherwise and thus, poke holes in our case and escape our accusation.

Try this instead:

  • “I find it hurtful that you so rarely say ‘I’m sorry.”
  • “I know I’m biased, but it certainly seems like you blame me for far too much around here”

Peace begins with pause,

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