Ever wonder who’s in charge around your house?

Here’s how you can tell if your kids have too much power in your home: Meals have morphed into restaurant-style orders because one child is a picky eater. You spend all of your free time on the weekends shuffling kids from one event, game, or party to the next (and thus you haven’t had a date night in months). You find yourself held hostage by tantrums in the grocery store, and you cringe at the thought of asking your child to pick up after himself.

If this sounds at all familiar, take heart; you’re not alone. Most of us have, at one point or another, found ourselves at least edging towards this dangerous upside down hierarchy. Maybe we’re scared of the backlash. Maybe we’re tired and simply don’t have the mental energy to turn things around. Maybe we’ve tried too hard to make our kids like us.

It’s never too late to turn things around and reclaim the leadership in your family. Pause today and look at how you got where you are. Kids naturally want to see you as the leader in the home, even though it seems like the opposite. They are always testing us, because that’s the only way they know how to ask us to be better leaders.

This is why it’s so important to act in a way that makes them want to follow you. The last thing you need to do (even though you’ll probably be tempted to do so) is to come down harshly on your kids for the behaviors that you’ve allowed to creep into your lives. Instead, remind yourself on a regular basis that you are the one in control of setting the tone in your home—not your kids.

When you can act like the parent you want to be (calm, connected, balanced between flexible and firm), you’ll be releasing the pressure that your kids unknowingly feel for taking charge of the family. And then balance can soon return to your home.

Peace begins with pause,