Whenever we avoid conflict, in order to escape the discomfort, we invite a far more unpleasant companion: resentment.

Jenny and I probably have an uncomfortable conversation at least once a day. Neither one of us is scared any longer to bring up a perceived conflict, because both of us are terrified of resentment.

In marriage, it is far better to get rubbed the wrong way than to never get rubbed at all. At least when you get rubbed the wrong way you have the warmth of friction (plus, you can engage with the “rubber”). Those who never get rubbed, however, end up distant, cold and full of resentful thoughts like, “What happened to me? When did I get so scared to speak my mind and ask for what I want? Is this as good as marriage gets?!?”

No, it’s not.