Terror in Our Homes
I know it sounds foolish, but I honestly believe for most of us, we are more scared of those in our own homes than even the most evil terrorists in the world. This is not because the terrorists aren’t terrifying. It’s because for the vast majority of us, they aren’t terribly close. The chances of being involved in a terrorist attack are still far less than getting stuck by lightning.
The chances of being hurt tonight, however, by the person who sleeps closest to you, or down the hall from you, are actually very high. I’m not talking about domestic violence here, although that is a very important conversation. I’m talking about feeling rejected by the one you love. Being disrespected by the child you’ve loved into existence. Having your dreams casually dismissed by those whose opinion matters the very most to you.
These wounds can cut so deep we develop fear-filled measures to protect us in our own homes. We walk on egg-shells around our angry teenager. We tip-toe around delicate issues with our spouse. We passive-aggressively direct our toddler (“Okay, now we’re gonna get dressed…okay?”). We aggressively get combative in an offense-is-the-best-defense approach (“You’re always this…or never that…”)
The irony is these fear-filled protections actually seem safer in the moment. But any relationship approach that begins with “well, at least I won’t get hurt as badly this way…” has zero chance of creating the relationship you want.
What does give you a better chance at the relationships we crave most? Bravery without guarantees. Boldness without brashness. Vulnerability without any need for validation.
Peace begins with pause,