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February 15, 2016

Valentine’s Day Massacre?

“Expectation is the mother of all frustration.”
Antonio Banderas

If you’ve read this, you know I’ve never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day. I can count on one hand the number of times Jenny and I have celebrated the occasion. Yesterday was not one of them.

One of my reasons for this avoidance is because forced romantic days can put enormous pressure on a relationship. Did you knock it out of the park yesterday? Or did you strike out? Was she waiting for flowers? A candlelit dinner? Was he expecting a night of passionate sex?

What all these questions usually mean is this: Did you meet all the unspoken expectations of your partner?
I know this may sound strange, but I hope not. Yes, I love it when partners take risks, trying to anticipate what their lover would love, but it pains me to watch couples struggle because one partner is not a good enough mind-reader.

What works better than guessing, or silently expecting, is authentic self-representation. Take the risk of revealing what you want, what you hope for, what you’d love to do with your lover. Instead of needing your partner to speak your love language, learn what it is yourself, and then reveal it in vulnerable ways.

If yesterday wasn’t all you secretly wanted, say so: “Honey, I owe you an apology. Yesterday I was secretly hoping you would ____________, and when you didn’t I got a little pouty. I’m sorry—it’s not your job to read my mind. It’s actually my job to open up and reveal myself and my desires to you.”

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