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June 9, 2008

It’s Official…Magic Shell is Crack Cocaine

Image: Flickr/TMAB2003

Image: Flickr/TMAB2003

Does anyone else think that it is highly sketch that Magic Shell ice cream topping is touted as a substance that “freezes” when it hits oxygen? I have always been suspicious of this claim and have therefore always avoided said item.

Well, I made the grand mistake of bringing my son to the grocery store after a long day at work and now, I have this devil sauce in my house. Don’t ask me how it happened. I normally avoid the whole ice cream section like the plague that it is. All I have to do is look at fudge ripple and sure enough, my arse literally becomes fudge ripple. I have since told Brandon that he needs to become either a salesman or a lawyer. Dude can convince (read, grind you into submission) anyone of anything. So, here I am looking into the black hole of nutrition aka Magic Shell.

I resisted the loadstone rock for two whole days. TWO DAYS!!! And then I cracked. Like humpty dumpty (and now, thanks to my 0% body fat son and magic shell I actually look like humpty dumpty too) I fell off the wall. It started with the leftovers of Brandon’s bowl. Just a curious taste, I thought. Oh, the arrogance that I could just taste such a substance. Two full bowls and one helluva sugar crash later, I was scratching my skin and jonesing for more.

Who invented this stuff? And why do they hate me so?

One thought on “It’s Official…Magic Shell is Crack Cocaine

  1. It’s actually the cold temperature that makes it become hard not the oxygen.

    It doesn’t have crack in it, but yeah it’s just about as addictive. This because the mechanism that makes it freeze has very fatty oils in it. Basically, it’s chocolate flavored fat that freezes solid if you reduce its temperature to between 30-40 deg F.

    Fats and oils (e.g. peanut butter, margarine, butter) taste very good because they have the most calories per gram. If we still lived in our wild, pre-tech environment it would be very hard to get any kind of food so we’d need all the calories we could get. However, in our current environment all this does is give marketers an easy way to get rich and make us fat. More’s the pity.

    Furry cows moo and decompress.

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