“Peace on earth will come to all
If we just follow the light”
(“Here Comes Santa Claus”)

I have to admit, I was surprised to find this lyric within such a jolly, simple song. “Peace on earth will come to all, if we just follow the light”?

While certainly we could assume a specific religious interpretation, there’s also a more general wisdom to be gleaned: Personal peace does come to all who follow the light of truth, and thus come out of the darkness of deception.

Whenever we choose to reveal the truth, especially to those who matter most, we invite peace into our lives. This truth can be about a mistake we’ve made, or a change we feel happening inside us, or a feeling we’ve simply never shared. In all cases, as scary as it can be, pursuing the light of honesty is the quickest way to enjoy the inner peace we all crave.

Peace begins with pause,

Christmas time is here
We’ll be drawing near
Oh, that we could always see
Such spirit through the year.
(“Christmastime is Here”)

If this is a holiday season for you, and you’re anticipating “drawing near” to friends and family, here’s a thought:

What spirit are you hoping these other people demonstrate?

• Gratitude from your kids as they open their presents?
• Graciousness from your parents, or in-laws, or anyone else, in response to hearing of your holiday plans?
• Patience from your spouse, as you struggle with all of the craziness?
• Harmony from your siblings, especially as they discuss the U.S. Election?

It’s good to name our unspoken expectations as we head into the fray of “drawing near.” Here’s an even better exercise, however:

What spirit are all these people hoping to see you demonstrate this year? (And always see throughout the year?)

The three best versions of “Christmastime is Here”:

1. Vince Guaraldi Trio (of course, since he wrote the song for the greatest Christmas album of all, “A Charlie Brown Christmas”)
2. Jars of Clay
3. Four Freshman

Peace begins with pause,

Let peace begin with me. Let this be the moment now.
With ev’ry breath I take, let this be my solemn vow
To take each moment, and live each moment, with peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.
(“Let There Be Peace On Earth”)

At its most universal, the Christmas story is about the advent of Peace itself, coming down to earth. According to the story, Peace took the initiative, taking the form of a baby, teaching us all that it’s the humble, the meek, who indeed shall inherit the earth.

Whatever we believe religiously, I believe this story speaks to us all. Each of us carries a deep hope within us, a hope for peace, both within ourselves and among our loved ones. Most of us even hope for peace among all peoples on earth.

One way we can be led astray by the Christmas story, unfortunately, is by believing the peace we seek will be automatically provided by someone else coming into our lives, like Peace itself on Christmas Day. This is hardly the case, though.

Peace took the initiative to take an advent-ure down to earth, saying let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me. It did not just give us a gift to be opened, it paved a path for us to follow. The path is narrow, however, because:
• You want your significant other to apologize first, for a change.
• You want your kids to respect you a little, without you having to show them respect first all the time.
• You want your contentious co-worker to see it from your point of view, at least once in a while.

However, the real message of Advent is this: If there is going to be peace on earth, it has to begin with me.

Here are some great versions of “Let There Be Peace On Earth” (and no, I don’t like the Vince Gill version):

1. The Boys Choir of Harlem
2. Richard Marx & Kenny Loggins
3. Harry Connick, Jr.

Peace begins with pause,

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
(“Last Christmas,” Wham!)

Talking to teenagers about dating can prove very difficult. Choosing which of our own experiences to share, and which of our hard-earned lessons to teach, is half the battle. The other half is having the humility to recognize that our kids may not hear those stories and lessons the way we imagine.

For instance, similar to the Wham! song quoted above, I once got my heart broken during the holidays. Right before Christmas of my senior year in high school, I gave a ring to the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. Lucky for me, she also happened to be the only girl who’d ever agreed to be my girlfriend.

A week later, however, she gave the ring back, along with the “girlfriend” title as well.

Ouch.

So what’s the lesson here…Don’t get too serious too soon? (Maybe.) What else…Guard your heart until you’re certain you’ve found the one? (Tempting, but how is that even possible?)

Perhaps the best move is to simply tell our teens the stories, and then ask what they think. That’s what I decided to do with this one. I poured out my sad song, and here was my son’s response:

“Dad, you gave her a ring for Christmas, in high school? No wonder Mom dumped you.”

“I guess she already told you her side, eh?”

“There is no other side, Dad.”

Ouch. Again.

On second thought, maybe we should let our teens figure it out themselves.

The three best versions of “Last Christmas”:

1. Wham!
2. Taylor Swift
3. Glee Cast (yeah, yeah, I know…but still)

Peace begins with pause,

Oh, there’s no place like home for the holidays!
‘Cause no matter how far away you roam,
If you want to be happy in a million ways
For the holidays you can’t beat home, sweet home.
(“Home for the Holidays”)

I hope this quote is true for you. I hope that being “home” with your family does bring a million smiles. For others of you, I know it doesn’t.

One of the main reasons the holiday season is difficult for some people is the pressure they feel to be “home,” and to be happy going there for the holidays. One way to improve this is to try and improve all the relationships associated with “home” (parents, siblings, cousins, aunts & uncles). Another way is much simpler: Redefine “home.”

When you say “home,” what comes to mind? Where your mom lives? Where you grew up? That’s very common, but here’s a question: What does that make your place now? Some temporary tour of duty in a foreign land? And if so, what does that say to your spouse & kids?

When Jenny and I first moved to Atlanta in 2000, we were asked by several new friends whether we were going “home” for the holidays. They knew we were both from Houston, and we still had family there and in nearby Louisiana. We were in fact planning to travel there that year, so I almost answered “yes.” But then something stopped me. An angel must’ve landed on my shoulder, apparently, and whispered some magical words I would not have thought of on my own:

“Well, yes–we’re leaving our home here to go be with extended family back in Texas and Louisiana.”

One thing successful military families have taught me is this: “Home” is not defined by history, or geography, or architecture. If it were, then these military families would never be living at home, since they’re usually moving every two years, all over the country and globe. No, “home” is best defined by your primary residence and relationships.

My home is wherever I am with Jenny. And that, usually, makes me happy in a million ways. (Well, maybe not a million, but you get the gist.)

Here’s the three best versions of “Home for the Holidays”:
1. Perry Como
2. The Carpenters
3. None. No others are worth listening to, IMHO.

Peace begins with pause,

I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need…
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
(“All I Want for Christmas is You”)

Mariah Carey and her writing partner took less than a half-hour to carve out the basic structure of this now classic pop Christmas song. I have to admit, the song is simply perfect in almost every way.

It’s one problem is the same problem it shares with almost every love song ever written: It intermingles “wanting” with “needing.”

Whether it’s Mariah or Cheap Trick (“I want you to want me; I need you to need me”), artists have been intermingling these two ideas for seemingly ever. AS IF THEY’RE THE SAME THING AT ALL!!! (Sorry for screaming.) I’ve written about this before, but this horse is still not dead.

When you need your partner, you’re trying to attract them to your weakness, by either obligating them to stay, or passive-aggressively asking for their pity. When you want your partner, however, you’re boldly inviting them to want you right back.

When you need your partner, you can’t live without them, even if you could choose otherwise. When you want your partner, however, you’re choosing to live with them, even though you don’t have to.

Neediness attracts with glue; Desire, however, attracts with honey.

Which one attracts you?

The three best versions of “All I Want for Christmas is You”
1. Mariah Carey (of course)
2. Michael Buble
3. Lady Antebellum

Peace begins with pause,

“It’s a yum-yummy world made for sweethearts.”

(“It’s a Marshmallow World”)

Holiday season can be very difficult for single adults. Apparently there’s a thing now called “cuffing season,” beginning in October, which refers to single folks’ desire to “cuff” themselves to a partner so they won’t have to go through the holidays alone.

As the quote above notes, most human societies are a “yum-yummy world” for couples. Singles have always been ostracized one way or another, unless they were celibate for religious reasons.

I cannot really relate, because I was practically born married (I’ve actually never lived alone). But I’d like to be much more inclusive of relatives and friends who, for one reason or another, are not “cuffed” this season.

Who in your family festivities over the next few weeks will come without a “plus one”? How can you make adjustments to assist them feeling included? (One suggestion—don’t always sit next to your spouse when gathering around the table, or gift-opening circles).

At the same time, how can you allow those single folks to follow their own paths this year? Perhaps this is a year to allow people to come and go as they please, without pressure to participate in anything they don’t want to.

Come to think of it, that sounds like a good thought for everyone, sweethearts or not.

Here are the three best versions of “It’s a Marshmallow World” (without Dean Martin’s—he sounds way too drunk):

1. Ella Fitzgerald & Bing Crosby

2. The Oscar Peterson Trio

3. Brenda Lee

Peace begins with pause,

“Prosperity belongs to those who learn new things the fastest.”
(Paul Zane Pilzer)

It’s mid-December, and it’s time to shut things down for the holidays.

At least, that’s what a large part of me keeps saying. I’ve got no speaking gigs or travel till January, I’m a bit tired from a hectic year, and my daughter Hannah comes home from college today.

But while I may not be as outwardly busy, this is actually a great time to learn something new. What’s one thing you could improve with a little intentional focus?

—that new computer application at work?
—further work on a new language?
—working better and quicker with Dropbox?
—increased listening skills?

Yes, it’s a hectic time of year, filled with tons of concerns about others. Pick one thing (and only one thing) to get better at this season.

Peace begins with pause,

“And sing a chorus or two

Come on, it’s lovely weather

For a sleigh ride together with you.”

(“Sleigh Ride”)

One of the hallmarks of true adulthood is whenever we stop reacting against reality, and start adapting ourselves to it. So often our frustrations with our kids or spouses or coworkers is not with the persons themselves, but with the unmet expectations we had about those relationships: “It shouldn’t have to be this hard!”

But it is.

Ironically, positive acceptance of the seemingly negative reality the first step toward changing that reality for the better. Just listen to the lyrics in the song:

“Let’s take the road before us” (instead of some imaginary path of how it’s supposed to be)

“And sing a chorus or two” (singing, in many ways, is the very opposite of complaining)

“Come on, it’s lovely weather” (if we choose, we can see beauty in everything nature puts before us)

“For a sleigh ride together with you” (reaching out, inviting another to join you is often the best way to face anything)

Here are the three best recordings of “Sleigh Ride”, IMHO:

1. Arthur Fiedler & The Boston Pops Orchestra

2. The Ronettes

3. Ella Fitzgerald

Peace begins with pause,

“I am not going to say I told you so, but I did.”

(Nouriel Roubini)

There are many ways to say the most selfish words in a relationship: I told you so.

Here are the obvious ways (which we’ve all done):

Outright:

—I told you so.

—I knew this was gonna happen.

—You should’ve listened to me!

In the form of a question:

—What did I say beforehand?

—Why do you never listen to me?

—Didn’t I tell you this would happen?

These are the more subtle, passive-aggressive ways (only practiced by a few masters):

—Of course that’s what happened!

—Can I tell you?…I thought this was coming.

—How about we talk about this before the next time?

And here is the preemptive move:

—I’m telling you now…’cos I don’t want to have to say “I told you so”!

—Are you sure you wanna do that? I’m just saying…

—Well, don’t expect to come back here afterwards, unless you wanna hear me say “I told you so”

Watch yourself today, and maybe you’ll catch yourself, ‘cause I promise saying any form of “I told you so” won’t yield the relationship results you’re seeking.

Peace begins with pause,