“Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
Our troubles will be out of sight.”
(“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”)

One phrase that’s always interested me is “light-hearted.” A common way we hear it is this: “That movie is a light-hearted comedy.” This usually means it’s a film that doesn’t take itself too seriously, and doesn’t labor to make a grand statement about how life should be.

Maybe that’s the best way to interpret the lyric in our quote above. “Let your heart be light—from now on, our troubles will soon be out of sight.” Does this mean we should be light-hearted because our troubles will be soon be gone? Or could this mean when we purposefully lighten our hearts first, our troubles seem to diminish as a result?

What would happen the rest of this year, for instance, if I chose to not take myself too seriously, and chose not to make a grand statement about how life should be?

What if I just accepted myself, and the way life is, for just a little while? If I let my heart be light, would my troubles seem out of sight?

(I’ll let you know after the holidays.)

Here are the best three versions of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”:

1. Frank Sinatra
2. Michael Buble
3. Ella Fitzgerald

Peace begins with pause,

“He that gives should not remember, he that receives should never forget.”
(The Talmud)

I love giving good gifts. (I also love receiving them.) But I must confess I too often linger around to see the reaction of the receiver, or fish around later for any reactions I didn’t get to witness.

This is not very attractive behavior, according to my wife. She’s right.

I am pretty good about going out of my way to thank those who’ve gifted me something. At least I think I am. Honey?

(Ugh. That’s me fishing again.)

Peace begins with pause,

“The person who stops studying, merely because he has finished school, is forever hopelessly doomed to mediocrity.”
(Napoleon Hill)

If you’re worried about your kids’ schooling, think about your own education first.

What have you communicated by your…

–lack of reading (or listening to audiobooks);
–avoidance of or complaining about training classes at work; and
–general attitude that your own education was long in the past?

OR your…

—continual search for books and articles to learn from;
—voluntary attendance at continuing education events; and
—lifelong appreciation of learning new things?

Studies have shown a million times over that learning parents raise learning adults.

Peace begins with pause,

“You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I’m telling you why”
(Santa Claus is Coming to Town)

You may not know it, but today is actually Saint Nicholas Day. In honor of that saintly Turkish Bishop of the 4th century, let’s look at how terribly we use him to make up for our lazy parenting.

Have you ever really listened to the lyrics of “Santa Clause is Coming to Town”? Here’s another way to sing them:

I am so sick and tired of you kids yelling, bawling, and whining!!
If you don’t knock it out soon, I’m telling you…
I’m gonna make sure the fabled Saint Nicholas—who was orphaned, gave all his money to the poor, and went to prison for his faith—skips right past this house and gives you nothing at all this year!

If that’s what I have to threaten to get you to stop behaving like children,
then by golly, I’ll rip down all this holly and allow your immaturity to spoil the entire season for the rest of us!

Don’t get me wrong, folks; I love this song (bonus—look below for my ranking of the top three versions recorded, IMHO). But empty threats, like taking away holiday traditions like gift-giving, are really just broken promises. ScreamFree Parents strive to never promise a consequence they won’t actually introduce.

Also, you’ll be amazed how your whole house actually gets more peaceful when you decide your kids’ complaining (shouting, crying, and pouting) doesn’t bother you nearly as much. The less you need them to get quiet and accept life, the more they will.

Here are the top 3 Versions, IMHO, of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”:
1. Bruce Springsteen
2. Michael Buble
3. The Jackson 5

Peace begins with pause,

“Intimacy cannot happen between non-equals.”
(Dr. David Schnarch)

Are you stuck…wondering why your spouse won’t change? Consider this:

They’re probably wondering the same thing about you.

Also, just because you may be better AT something than your spouse (finances, parenting, apologizing) doesn’t mean you’re better THAN your spouse.

The second you judge yourself to be the better person, you eliminate the possibility of creating the marriage you crave.

Peace begins with pause,

Soon the bells will start,

And the thing that will make them ring is the carol that you sing

Right within your heart.

(“It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”)

Finished the Christmas decorations yesterday…and I’m quite sore.

For those like me who tend to overdecorate this time of year, this last verse from a classic song offers a needed reminder:

The best decorations are not the shiniest, most expensive ones we may use to mask our pain and insecurity; they’re the simpler ones that genuinely reflect our hope.

Here are the three best versions of the song (IMHO):

1. Michael Buble
2. Bing Crosby
3. Perry Como & The Fontane Sisters

Peace begins with pause,

“The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.”
(Winston Churchill)

One of the biggest mistakes I continually make is dismissing wisdom because I don’t like, or respect, the source.

The wisest among us are ready to learn from anyone, including fools, enemies, the immature, the arrogant, the poor, the rich, and…who knows..even one’s spouse.

Peace begins with pause,

“Just remember—buying them “stuff” won’t relieve your guilt for not giving them intangible gifts like your time and attention.”
(Tim Elmore)

The best way to spoil your kids is not giving them too many material possessions. Some of the wealthiest families I know, who’ve supplied their kids with trips and gifts galore, are also some of the healthiest families I know.

Spoiling is also not done by giving your kids too light of a punishment whenever they make mistakes. Some of the best lessons can be learned from experiencing even the slightest of consequences.

No, the best way to spoil your kids is this:

1. Give ‘em material gifts instead of your time and genuine interest

2. Threaten them with huge punishments (and then never follow through), instead ofcarefully and calmly training them how to make good decisions

Peace begins with pause,

“Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.”
(Albert Schweitzer)

Leading by example is something everyone says they believe in. But few of us really understand how to do it.

For instance, is it leading by example when we highlight to our kids, “Watch how I treat this authority figure with respect…that’s how you need to treat me.”?

No.

Is it leading by example when we showcase our work ethic, hoping our co-workers and employees then start to work harder?

No.

The paradox of leading by example is that as soon as we think we’re doing it, we’re not. Unless the example we want people to practice is the art of boasting about their own example.

The only way leading by example works is if we’re not consciously trying to get others to follow us.

Peace begins with pause,

What’s your most pressing parenting question? What’s the one thing you wish you could change?

I would really love to know. Whenever I speak, my favorite part is the Q&A afterwards. I LOVE interacting with folks right after they’ve just heard about the revolutionary ScreamFree mindset, and how it can change everything.

I also love handling questions on radio & TV appearances, and I consider my one-on-one coaching with folks the very best work I get to do.

Well, a week from today, we’ve created a chance for you and I to talk directly. We’re hosting a LIVE webinar where you can get answers to your most vexing parenting situation.

My team has told me that the response to this event has been incredible. Have you signed up yet?

Regardless of whether you get to join live, I’d love you to send me your question at askhal@www.www.www.s4creamfree.com.

Peace begins with pause,