“We ‘know’ celebrities but they don’t know us. These vicarious relationships
create a new kind of loneliness -the loneliness of people
whose relationships are with personae instead of persons.”

(Dr. Mary Pipher)

Our culture is obsessed with celebrities, turning sports players and singers and actors into heroes…all the while dismissing quiet, ordinary, hardworking women and men. Often, we equate ordinary with boring. What’s worse, ordinary is becoming synonymous with meaningless.

The question we must ask ourselves is this: What are we willing to do and to sacrifice in order to attain “extraordinary” status? Young women frequent websites discussing the ways in which celebrities hide their eating disorders. Young men pump themselves full of steroids. Children are over-stressed from being over-scheduled. And for what?

True greatness, meaning, and purpose are often found in the everyday-ness of life -in the piano practice and in the meals prepared. The conversations around the dinner table and in the minivan—this is where real life occurs.
Stop stalking celebrities; connect with those closest to you; find the meaning in the mundane.

Peace begins with pause,

“When you wish to instruct, be brief; then men’s minds take in quickly what you say, learn its lesson, and retain it faithfully. Every word that is unnecessary only pours over the side of a brimming mind.”

(Cicero)

There is one cardinal rule for public speaking: Leave ’em wanting more. This may frustrate a few folks, but it is far better to deal with a few participants’ lingering complaints than a whole audience’s longing for an exit.

The same could not be more true in our parenting, or any leadership role. In the few moments you actually have someone’s full attention, remember that less is more. Don’t drag on before you make your point. Don’t besiege your listener with unnecessary evidence. Don’t beat your point into a dead horse. Don’t…(get the picture?)

Above all, be brief. You might actually leave your child, or employee, wanting more from you.

Peace begins with pause,

“A fanatic is someone who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.”
(Winston Churchill)

If you want a different life, filled with inner peace and outer love, then learn to listen to those around you. Let ‘em in, and let ‘em teach you. You’ll be amazed at your own growth, and at the invitations you’ll start to receive.

If, however, you believe you’re called to take a stand, delivering the bold, bald truths no one wants to hear, then keep yourself out on the extremes. Keep polarizing every news story, keep ignoring any exceptions to your exactitudes, and keep blocking out all those might disagree.

If you choose the latter, though, don’t be surprised if your life begins to resemble a prophet’s. (They usually die alone.)

Peace begins with pause,

My greatest hope for your kids is for each of them become a “responsible” adult. I know, I know, every parent says that. But not every parent means it the way we at ScreamFree do. Most parents, when they say the word “responsible,” are trying to convey the idea of doing the right thing, or doing what you’re supposed to do. This is absolutely not what I want for your kids, though, because I believe “doing what you’re told” is not true responsibility.

The truest meaning of responsibility is to be response + able. I want your kids to be able to make a response. That’s why we need to give our kids more choices than commands. That’s why we need to resist the urge to tell them what to do all the time.

I would rather all kids learn to think for themselves about a situation and choose how they want to respond, even if they end up making a “bad” decision. That way they can learn from their mistakes, which is one of the central hallmarks of adulthood.

Peace begins with pause,

The world belongs to those who say, “I can.”
(Russell Simmons, Do You)

The journey of a successful parent can be summarized in a variety of ways. One of my favorites so far has been watching my kids go from begging for permission:

“Can I? Please, Daddy? Can I?”

to announcing their accomplishments:

“I can. See, Dad? I can.”

Peace begins with pause,

“Passion, though a bad regulator, is a powerful spring.”
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Passion is great at getting things started, but steady persistence gets things finished.

Passion is great at accelerating us up to cruising speed, but calm consistency gets us to the destination.

This is why, in marriage, passion brings us together, but commitment keeps us there.

Peace begins with pause,

“My problem with the Grand Canyon is Americans are too proud of it for my liking. The Grand Canyon was like that when they found it! And’s it’s not like it was hard to find.”
(Ed Byrne)

If you’re like me, you’ve already seen some extended family this summer.

Here’s a challenge for us all: When family and friends marvel at our kids’ growth, accomplishments, adorable smiles, whatever, try to avoid taking any credit. At all.

There are plenty of times for us, internally, to evaluate our own parenting and feel moments of pride at our own growth. But this summer season, try something else when Aunt Gertrude comments on your son’s dimples,
or your daughter’s good grades:

“That’s very kind of you to say—I’m just so glad I get to watch him/her grow up.”

Yes, we are among the most powerful influences our kids will ever know. But the second we start accepting accolades, that influence turns sour.

Refusing to receive credit can be quite a challenge, especially for folks like me, who are prone to an insecure quest for approval.

But that’s what makes it a challenge!

Peace begins with pause,

“More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones.”
(Mother Teresa)

As a kid, I always thought “Be careful what you wish for; you might just get it” was a confusing maxim. Why wouldn’t I want to get what I wished for?

As an adult, of course, I’ve begun to understand. Put at its simplest, the proverb simply means that our ability to understand our desire is outmatched by the passion of the desire itself. What we so desperately crave now may be the very worst thing for us in the long run.

With that stated, here are some warnings about our wishes:

–Be careful when you wish for an obedient child, because the ones who obey the most are usually the ones thinking the least. Toddlers who reflexively obey often become teens who reactively rebel.

–Be careful when you wish for a lover who can’t live without you, because few things are more burdensome than a needy spouse. I’ve always told my kids that when someone tells them they can’t live without you, tell ‘em “well, it’s a good thing my dad is a therapist, ‘cos we can get you the help that you need.” Desperate dependence is not romantic, it’s diagnosable.

—Be careful when you wish for someone else’s talents, looks, possessions, family life, etc. They’re probably not as happy, or feeling as self-assured and secure, as you think. They may be wishing for someone else’s life as well.

Peace begins with pause,

“Advice is seldom welcome, and those who need it the most, like it the least.”
(Lord Chesterfield)

Giving advice to anyone is tricky business. A good rule of thumb to follow is this: never give it unless you are specifically asked. We all know those people who feel the need to tell you what they would do, even though you never asked for their input. No matter how insightful their input may be, we dread hearing it because it reeks of self-importance and arrogance.

It comes across the same way to our kids when we do it to them. Certainly, you should teach your children about life as you go through it together. Talk to them about principles like reaping and sowing, to be sure. But resist the urge to do so in the heat of the moment. Advising them on a decision, without being invited, will often lead to a battle.

At most, ask them a question like this: “Is this something you’d like my help with?”

Peace begins with pause,

“It is unwise to be too sure of one’s own wisdom.”
(Mahatma Gandhi)

Read aloud with me:

Just because someone questions my ideas…doesn’t mean they don’t trust or respect me.
(usually, if people don’t respect you, they don’t bother to question you)

Just because something didn’t work as well as it could have…doesn’t mean it didn’t work at all.
(let’s try to avoid any extremes of always, or never, and be careful not to throw out the baby with the bath water)

Just because something did work well in the past…doesn’t mean it will work for me in the same way now.
(past performance, both from stocks and from leaders, are no guarantee of future results)

Peace begins with pause,