“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer the suffering that is familiar.” (Thich Nhat Hanh)

I was talking to a woman the other day who had huge bags under her eyes. She was pale and worn thin from a lack of sleep. Her seven month old baby took an hour to be put to sleep, and then he was waking 3-4 times a night. He would only nap if she held him, and even then, only for 20-30 minutes. He cried every time she tried to get him to sleep.

Both mother and child were miserable from this pattern, yet the mother wasn’t sure that she was ready to teach her child to go to sleep on his own. Her reason? “I just don’t know how he’ll react.” Ummm…He’ll probably cry at first, but how is that any worse than what she’s going through now?

If you’re in a pattern with your child that you don’t like, make a decision to stop complaining and do something about it. Do some hard thinking about what your child really needs in the situation, then jump right in. You won’t always do things perfectly, but that’s okay. Kids are resilient. What isn’t good for them is a long-suffering parent too afraid to do something different.

“The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him his own.” (Benjamin Disraeli)

When we help others get better at something we’ve mastered, we’re sharing the riches of our wisdom. That kind of teaching should be a vital priority for all leaders, but it shouldn’t be the only priority. We should also be looking for the unique qualities that others seem to exhibit, and we should be encouraging them as much as possible.

It’s not about ignoring bad things. They need to be addressed, but they don’t need to dominate your interactions with people. Spend more time helping them find their own riches and watch them soak up yours as well.

“Never bend your head. Hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye.” (Helen Keller)

Life can wear you out. It’s not only physically demanding, it’s emotionally exhausting at times. The daily grind of work and chores and family — it can build to the point that you’re willing to do just about anything to get it to stop.

In those times, some of us blow up. Some of us stuff and smolder. Some of us disconnect altogether.

Ms. Keller’s quote gives us another option. Rather than running away or blowing up, we could choose to grow into ourselves. We could hold firm to the things we know are best. We could stop worrying about how others may react. That won’t be easy, but it’s possible. If we could summon the strength to actually do it, others may end up respecting us more than we thought possible.

“Not the cry, but the flight of the wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow.” (Chinese Proverb)

Sometimes we feel like it’s our job to get others — our children, our spouse, our co-workers — to do certain things. The reality is, our job is much more interesting than that.

Our job is to lead others into a better future. We want to influence others. We want to see them own responsibility for themselves without being pushed and prodded by us. It’s only when you act like a leader and not a gatekeeper or a game warden that you can control the flight path.

Lead the way with your personal flight path and have confidence that others will follow.

In other words, you behave with integrity, and you will inspire others to do the same.

“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

We’ve all been told that consistency is the key to so many things from exercise and diet to healthy relationships to finances. But it’s important to have the emotional maturity and self-awareness to be able to take a good, honest look at what we’re sticking to when we choose to stick to our guns…and why.

There’s wisdom in flexibility sometimes. We grow. Shouldn’t the boundaries and rules we set grow as well?

If you find yourself being rigid about a particular issue, and you can’t really remember why…take another look at what’s really going on and be confident enough to change if you need to.

“There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different than the things that we do.” (Freya Madeline Stark)

The other day, I ate a Krispy Kreme donut because I had a rough day, and I thought I deserved one. I treated myself, and I should have felt great afterwards. Right?

Wrong.

I felt rotten, and it wasn’t just the crash on the other side of a sugar rush. I felt terrible because I knew I’d let myself down. For the sake of what I wanted in the moment (a hot, delicious donut), I gave up on what I want most (a healthy, fit body). Instead of being happy, I was miserable — because I betrayed my integrity.

Also, because one donut became three.

This is the danger of the “easy way” — it usually makes things worse. It feels good right now, but it leads us away from being at peace with ourselves.

“The distinctive character of a child is to always live in the tangible present.” (John Ruskin)

One of the things that aggravates parents most is when the kids get so zeroed in on an activity that they forget the world around them. This often happens when they’re playing a computer game, but it can occur with almost any activity. They become so engrossed that they can’t hear you asking them to come to dinner or take out the trash.

Maybe they’re doing it intentionally, but it doesn’t seem like it. It seems like they’re legitimately in the zone.

Of course, sometimes I wish I had that ability to completely focus on the task at hand, to be fully in the moment. I am so easily distracted by all the grown up stuff in my world — bills, work, regret, the sinking feeling that my life isn’t everything I’d hoped it would be. I lose sight of the present — which is the only time period in which I actually live!

There’s a reason the present is called the present; it’s a gift. Yeah, that’s cheesy, but it’s still true.

“What is important is to keep learning, to enjoy challenge, and to tolerate ambiguity. In the end there are no certain answers.” (Martina Horner)

If you’re searching for the right thing to do at the time time, every time, I have some sobering news for you: You never “arrive”. You’ll never get to the place where you know how to do everything perfectly. Not with your kids. Not with your significant other. Not with your job. And, trust me, not on the golf course.

Everything evolves. Just when you think you’ve got things in hand, the landscape shifts, and you find yourself struggling to find the path again. This is not only how life is, I believe it’s how life is supposed to be. Life is supposed to be difficult so we can learn.

I know people get frustrated with our organization because we don’t often tell people exactly what to do. I know what it’s like to want a step-by-step, how-to guide for all the difficult situations I find myself in on a daily basis. But there isn’t one. Pat answers only go so far before they become pat-ronizing.

What matters most in life is the process, the growth, not the outcome. If you can remember that every hardship you encounter is an opportunity for growth, it might just change the way you look at things. And you might just find yourself more capable of handling whatever comes your way.

“America is a country that doesn’t know where it is going, but it is determined to set a speed record getting there.” (Lawrence J. Peter)

Too many of us end up collapsing on the couch at the end of each day, exhausted from trying to get to everything on the “To Do” list. The ironic thing is that a lot of what’s on my list really doesn’t matter all that much. What matters most are the people I end up treating like objects to be dealt with instead of people to be with.

There should never be a day in my life when I’m running so fast that my family becomes a blur in my rearview mirror.

Everyone should take a few moments each day to just sit still and remember what’s most important — to ponder what’s good in the world. Maybe you’ll have to begin by scheduling moments like these to make sure they happen. Do whatever works for you. Pause when you first wake up. Sit with your morning coffee. Close your eyes and take a deep breath before you get out of the car (make sure you’ve put it in “Park” first). Whenever, wherever — just make it a priority.

Maybe you’ll reach your destination a little slower, but at least you’ll know where you really want to go. And that, in and of itself, is a step in the right direction.

“People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.” (Leo J. Burke)

There are few things in life worse than a sleepless night — except for maybe an endless string of them. When you’re sleep deprived, food doesn’t taste as good, colors don’t look as bright, and things that normally wouldn’t bother you set you off instantly.

If you have a baby who is not sleeping well, I offer you my sincere and earnest condolences. There are some valuable resources out there to help you teach your little darling to sleep through the night. Until you find the right one, keep telling yourself that, “This too shall pass.”

Come to think of it, that’s not a bad phrase for all of us to remember. No matter what you’re dealing with right now — regardless of what it is that’s keeping you awake at night — there will come a time when it is just a faded memory. This knowledge can help you maintain a sense of proper perspective whether you’re pacing the floors with your baby, waiting at the door for your teen, prepping for that big presentation at work, or awaiting the results of the test from your doctor.

Tackle each thing as it comes. Tomorrow will bring its own set of issues. Let that go for tonight, do what you can do, take a deep breath, and let yourself sleep better than a baby.