“A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary.” (Dorothy Canfield Fisher)

This is a tough one for a lot of you mothers out there. You’ve been told that your job is to protect your children from the menacing world of predators and PG13 movies. Protection is certainly a part of parenting, but it should by no means be the goal of parenting.

Children come into the world as fragile beings. They’re soft, naked, and completely dependent upon you. But they grow. They soon become capable of learning at an extraordinary pace.

It is imperative to teach children what they really need to learn. They must be able to make choices and decisions. This won’t happen if they’re overly-sheltered. If you want children to become strong, independent adults, grown ups who do not need you but want you in their lives, you must begin stretching and molding them now. Chances are, your kids will rise to the challenge.

“You can stand tall without standing on someone.” (Harriet Woods)

One of the interesting conundrums the Self-Esteem movement created goes as follows: we try to praise our kids into competitive accomplishment, then we want to protect them when they fall short by telling them life is not about competition, it’s about just being yourself. Similarly, we encourage our kids to take pride in themselves and their work, then also tell them not to boast, because pride goeth before the fall.

In therapy, we call this crazy-making behavior. Especially when you consider how much our kids have heard us chatter in amazement about other kids’ accomplishments, and gossip in amazement at other kids’ mistakes.

Perhaps it’s best to talk less about status, and more about passionate pursuit. Less about where we stand in relation to others, and more about the quality of effort we see in ourselves. There is actually room for us all to stand tall in self-respect, even as we vary in relative height.

Here’s what I’ve tried to tell my kids, after a test or a game: “The only score that matters is how close you came to giving your best. Only you can see that scoreboard. As for me, I love you and I think you’re great.”

“From where can your authority and license as a parent come from, when you who are old, do worse things?” (Juvenal)

Ever since the dawn of the Industrial Age in the 19th century, we started losing the ancient practice of mastery. With assembly lines and factories replacing artisans and workshops, gone is the age of the master and his/her apprentice.

Except with parenting. We may not realize it, but parenting is still about masters leading individual apprentices into their practice. Instead of cobbling and carpentry, however, parenting is about the craft of adulthood. Like it or not, we parents are each the Master Adults under which our children study. And that means parenting cannot just be about control and protection—we are apprenticing the next generation of innovative, impactful adults.

Thus, our kids are not just watching us in all our behaviors, they are studying them.

“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing” (George Bernard Shaw)

So many of us find ourselves paralyzed by possibilities. Whether it’s choosing how to interact with a potential partner or one of our children or choosing a new career path, the stakes seem so high to us that we want to know exactly the “right” direction so we can avoid messing up.

This, of course, is impossible. Even if it were possible, it makes for a burdensome life, one in which vibrant relationships are crushed.

Do you really want to go through life being afraid to take chances, to follow your dreams? Certainly not! So, figure out what you really believe, own what you really want most, and then choose accordingly. When you “mess up”, see that as an opportunity to grow. Acknowledge your misstep and keep going.

“Be sincere; be brief; be seated.” (Benjamin Franklin)

Say what you will about his politics, FDR has rightfully been acknowledged as one of history’s great orators. And now you know the secret to his success.

As the new election cycle gets ramped up, we should be talking about the big issues of life — at work, at home, in the public square. But perhaps all our talking would be heard more if we spoke in smaller doses. Droning on and on is a surefire way to get people to tune out. Holding your tongue and using words carefully and sparingly may increase your chances of being heard.

“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” (Benjamin Franklin)

Worry sucks. It sucks away your time, your energy, your joy, your hope. And yet we are a society of world-class worriers, fed by a 24-hour news cycle, 500 cable channels, and ubiquitous internet alerts. Everywhere you turn, you can find reason to fret about the future.

The irony is that the more uptight you become about a particular fear, the greater the chances are that you’ll end up creating the very outcome you’re hoping to avoid.

Worry accomplishes nothing. If you can change something, change it. If not, stop obsessing over it. Listen to Dr. Franklin. Stay in the sunlight.

“Children are apt to live up to what you believe of them.” (Lady Bird Johnson)

How we talk about our children is more important that how we talk to them. One of the reasons is because how we talk about our children is very reflective of what we really believe about them. If we complain about a son’s laziness, then we really believe he is slothful and impossible to motivate. If we keep referring to a 23-year-old daughter as “a great kid,” then we really don’t believe in her status as an adult.

It follows, then, that if this is really what we believe about them, then we should not be surprised if they fail to improve or mature.

If, however, we talk about our children as what I like to call “choice-ful” individuals, capable of making deliberate decisions and facing the consequences both good and bad, then we shouldn’t be surprised by their growing sense of personal authority and responsibility.

“Sometimes she is very tidy and organized.”

“Of course he can be rude, but yesterday he chose to be very considerate and appreciative.”

“She really impresses me as a woman.”

How have you been talking about your sons and daughters lately?

“We have, I fear, confused power with greatness.” (Stuart L. Udall)

Everyone has at least a little power — over family members, co-workers, neighbors, or even strangers. The question isn’t whether or not you have power. The real question is: What are you going to do with it?

Too often we believe power is an end in and of itself. So, if we ever feel our power slipping away, we tighten our grip in an attempt to convince ourself and others that we’re still in control. We do this because we think maintaining and expanding our power is the primary goal of life. Ironically, that kind of insecurity only lessens the amount of authority we held in the first place.

Things change when we begin to believe that power is meant to be leveraged for the good of others. Power isn’t an end; it’s a means to something more. That kind of leadership is attractive. That kind of leadership draws people to us while also preparing them to go beyond us in ways we can’t imagine. And that goal, above all others, is truly great.

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“The honor of the conquest is rated by the difficulty.” (Baron De Montesquieu)

Self-control is rather important. Humankind has assumed control enough of atoms that we can destroy an entire city in an instant, but all that power is useless without the self-control of those in charge of the button.

Self-control is rather hard. We human beings can literally love a new life into existence, then swear to the highest heavens to protect this beautiful child from all harm, but it only takes a couple of years and few hundred sleepless nights to lose our adulthood and literally scream our toddler into submission.

Self-control is rather rewarding. Mastery over our reactions is a never-ending war, but that does not make it a losing battle. Each of us has moments every day when we are able to summons our strongest desire for the life we want most, and say no to the distracting, and potentially destructive, things we want right now.

Every one of those moments is a true victory. String a few of those moments together and you begin to get some momentum…