“I could now afford all the things I never had as a kid, if I didn’t have kids.” (Robert Orben)

Yep, kids are ridiculously expensive creatures. After you figure in food, diapers, clothing, doctor’s visits, braces, haircuts, birthday parties, and several trips to Disneyworld, the average American family spends close to the GNP of Guatemala to raise one child.  Then there’s college! As parents, we’ve made a choice to procreate and raise the next generation.  That’s a choice that will cost us quite a bit of dough and even more of our youth. But, it’s a choice that will also reward us handsomely with sticky kisses and bed head mornings. You just can’t put a price on those homemade birthday cards and spontaneous hugs…and then you get to watch as they grow into adults and surprise you with their kindness, generosity, and compassion. With all of that said, don’t relegate yourself to second class citizen status when it comes to your expendable income. If it’s been two years since you treated yourself to a new outfit because Jimmy needs the newest pair of Heely’s every three months, you’re headed down the primrose path of resentment and martyrdom. Let your kids start paying for some of their expenses like music, clothes, and entertainment.  They will not only learn the value of a dollar, but they will also take better care of what they buy. Then, take yourself shopping for a change and leave the guilt at home with your babysitter.

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.” (Dr. Seuss)

Too many times in life, when we are faced with a difficult situation, we tend to think in extremes. We either shut down or we blow up. While this is definitely understandable, it is ultimately weak.

We are much more powerful than that and the people we love deserve better from us. When you are pushed, you have the choice as to how to act. When you are slighted, you have the choice as to how to respond. It’s not easy, but it is better. So, give yourself a chance to choose by pushing the pause button next time instead of simply reacting.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” (Eleanor Roosevelt)

“Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.” (Samuel Butler)

Everybody is a great parent until they have kids.  We all have great ideals about how we will relate with our kids; how we will give them both freedom and responsibility.  How we will let them make mistakes so that they can learn from them. We fantasize about a home filled with calm voices, mutual respect and cooperation. And all of that flies out of the window the minute you hear yourself utter phrases like, “Take the banana out of your sister’s ear or else!!!!” The truth is, that once we actually have kids, we parents think far too much about how our kids should behave for us and far too little about how we should behave towards them. We fall into the trap of feeling responsible “for” them and their actions (even those involving bananas): and then we forget our responsibilities to them.

“In the name of God, stop a moment. Cease your work, look around.” (Leo Tolstoy)

I know that we are all busy beyond measure these days. If it’s not the office demanding your attention, it’s the laundry, or an aging parent, a needy friend, an empty refrigerator. But guess what – all of that will still be there if you don’t attend to it right away. So, if you do nothing else today, do this:

Stop everything, just for a moment, and be still. Listen to the hum of your house or the laughter of your kids. Breathe deeply the smell of springtime and watch as the sunsets in the west. Feel the warmth of your child’s back as you hug them goodnight. Hold hands with someone. And most of all, look around at the multitude of blessings that you have been granted.

“One generation plants the trees; another gets the shade.” (Chinese proverb)

On those days (and we all have them) when you don’t know if you have the energy to be ScreamFree – remember this quote. There is an even higher calling than being the best parent possible for your own child. By stretching yourself to grow and staying calm and connected through the storms you face, you are shaping an entire generation.

“Life is like an ever shifting kaleidoscope – a slight change and all patterns alter.” (Sharon Salzberg)

Ask a number of parents how they feel at the end of a particularly hard day with a child and one word will crop up more than any other: overwhelmed. It is easy to get lost in the sheer number of things we have to do in order to keep our lives running. Daily tasks alone zap our energy. The thought of working hard to change the runaway locomotive that is your family doesn’t even compute on most days.

But here is the beautiful thing about life. It is like a kaleidoscope. It is colorful, beautiful, and it is in your hands. By simply shifting one part in one pattern that you don’t like, you’ll be altering the dynamic of your whole family. You’ll be creating a brand new picture without putting your whole life on hold. Who has the time for that?

“But childhood prolonged, cannot remain a fairyland. It becomes a hell.” (Louise Bogan)

Our children come to us as the most helpless of all species, and at first, they depend on us completely for support and sustenance. But they grow, and so should their world. The problem comes when we try to protect them and their innocence for as long as possible. While the thought is noble and tempting, it is ultimately harmful to our children. If they are allowed to exist in a prolonged childhood, a fairytale bubble, they do not develop the skills they need to not only exist in, but have influence over the harsh world we populate.

“Your children will see what you’re all about by what you live rather than what you say.” (Dr. Wayne Dyer)

Integrity occurs when your actions match your beliefs, and although that is a difficult path to be on, it is definitely worth it. Kids are watching your every move, like it or not. They pick up on the subtle ways you interact with others and your surroundings. If you preach to them about respecting others and then treat your grocery clerk with disdain, they will notice. If you lecture them about working hard in school and then you hardly work at your job, they will notice. Take a minute today to think about how you really want your kids to see you and then take the steps necessary to make that happen.

“Parents are often so busy with the physical rearing of children that they miss the glory of parenthood, just as the grandeur of the trees is lost when raking leaves.” (Marcelene Cox)

When did all of the “haftas” of family life take over the reason we had kids in the first place? I remember staring at my kids’ toes when they were newborns. For hours. Everything was so new that it was easy to be knocked over by the wonder of it all. After a while, you start to take for granted some of the most amazing things life has to offer. The unique smell of your kids after a bath. The perfect layout of freckles across the bridge of your son’s nose. The way that your daughter hums to herself as she draws. Today, do yourself a favor and take a moment to really see your kids. Like those grand trees, they really are a marvel of nature.