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March 31, 2015

Testimonial Tuesday: Winning the Screamfree Way

Image: Flickr/Eric Peacock

Image: Flickr/Eric Peacock

From time to time we receive emails from folks just like you who are discovering just how revolutionary our content can be. We love hearing this — not just because it validates our materials but because it means lives are being changed. Our whole idea is to help people stay cool enough to handle any moment in the moment. We know that if they can do that, they can find the momentum they need to create great relationships. Great relationships, change lives, which transform communities, which, in turn, heal the world. So, we want to share with you some of the stories we get to hear — stories of life change, stories of transformation. This week’s story comes from a mom whose family was falling apart before she realized she could take control of certain situations in a screamfree manner that would help bring her family back together.

Your book, Screamfree Parenting, was recommended to me by a parent coach I met and worked with a couple of months ago.  I was in need of some true down to earth ideas to get my family back on track after a 2 year ordeal involving a fir tree falling on our house, a stubborn insurance company and frustrating contractors.  It literally almost tore our new family apart. After some family counseling, and then finding your book we are back to where we wanted to be before that fateful day of the tree.  I was so on the edge as a parent I took everything so personally.  I even saw my young toddler’s behavior as an insult to me.  When I stepped back and recognized what I could control, began to take care of myself again, and took a very big breath I realized I could be a different parent.  One who doesn’t need to nag, yell, or be angry.

My true win was just last week in the hardware store where my 3-year-old son whom loves to sit on the lawn mowers didn’t want to leave.  After the timer went off he pushed to stay longer, as expected.  As I walked down the aisle to leave he continued to push to get his way.  I took a deep breath and calmly walked over to him and took his hand and quietly explained we are leaving now.  As he threw a throw-yourself-on-the-ground tantrum all the way to the checkout stand I received a few sideways glances from other parents, I even received an offer from another mom to cut to the front of the line to get him out of the store, but I chose to continue on with my quiet approach.  Within 30 seconds of reaching the checkout line he was pretty much recovered.  I took a quick moment to quietly reinforce my message that we are a team and we work together.  He is allowed time for his interests and I am allowed time for my errands.  When it is time to go we leave.  An agreement is just that.  His response was amazing.  All crying ended.  He took a deep breath and moved past it.  His recovery was impressive we walked out of that store laughing and planning our next stop.  I think the whole ordeal lasted a total of maybe 3-4 minutes (as opposed to the 45 minutes it used to last).  The older gentleman standing in front of me actually turned and looked at me with a look of awe…I took that as a compliment!

This might sound crazy but that day was one of the biggest wins of my life.  I realized that day that I succeeded in the one area of parenting I was unsure of.  I have the beginning foundation of a relationship built on respect with my child.  I lacked that in my own family growing up and since I didn’t know what it looked like in a family I didn’t know if I could teach it.  Thanks to your book I figured it out.  I am forever grateful for the guidance your book offers.  It is on the top of my list for recommendations to other moms!

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