“There are two dilemmas that rattle the human skull: How do you hang on to someone who won’t stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won’t go?”
(Danny DeVito’s character in “War of the Roses”)

When we sense our partner distancing from us, we try to pull our partner closer. Of course, this tends to make them want to pull even further away. By trying to make your spouse do something, you’re creating a need—an expectation you’re obligating your partner to meet. Nothing is more unattractive than a needy spouse. In fact, it can be downright repulsive.

Often, when partners distance themselves they act like a rubber band—they stretch away and then come springing back. It seems counterintuitive to let someone pull away, but, if you let your partner stretch, like a rubber band they’ll eventually snap back creating intimacy and closeness. They’ll appreciate your trust, get in touch with their desires, and respect your ability to stay calm through their growth process. Sometimes a partner needs the opportunity to pull away so they can decide—independently—to be close.

When it comes to any sort of push-pull, save it for yourself: Push yourself to remain calm, and do whatever you can to pull yourself together. With your integrity intact, you’ll find that you will attract your partner to yourself—no effort or force required.

Peace begins with pause,