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June 14, 2018

Joined at the hip

“Emotional fusion is when partners become enmeshed in a kind of gridlock – like Siamese twins – fused at the hip, passing anxiety, validation of identity, and lack of self-worth back and forth between each other.”
(Dr. David Schnarch)


In marriage it’s easy to get attached, feeling a need to do everything together, agree on everything together, and severely limit the number of things you do, and enjoy, apart.


Such attachment is like running a three-legged race, with your inner legs joined at the hip. Feels very close, but you can’t run worth a darn (and stumbling is inevitable).


Connection is different. Feels scarier, because it’s based on voluntary choice instead of forced obligation. Feels freer, however, because there’s an ease of your times together and your times apart. With connection, you’re a couple, and still two individuals, at the same time.


Kinda like holding hands.


Peace begins with pause,