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  • Stop letting people vent on you

    Among the most destructive teachings of western pop-psychology is the idea of venting. “Get it off your chest,” we say. Well, let’s stop—unless we’re the ones they’re angry at, we’re not helping anyone by allowing people to spew their anger and frustration all over us.

  • Stop caring so little about your looks

    One of the “joys” of having teenagers is listening to them make fun of your little quirks and idiosyncrasies.
    Two of mine that get highlighted regularly are 1) I’m terrible at imitating accents (everything ends up sounding Jamaican somehow); and 2) I apparently have RJF (resting jerk face).

  • Stop trying to grow quickly

    The first step towards lasting growth is changing your thinking about growth itself. Making small, gentle changes is usually the best path to long-term progress. “Instant results” or “quick fix” options generally have a backfire effect, landing you right back where you don’t want to be.

  • Stop

    We’re all busy. If it’s not the office calling, it’s the laundry buzzing,
    the microwave beeping, an aging parent, a needy friend, an empty
    refrigerator. But here’s the truth: all of that will still be there if you
    don’t get to it immediately. None of that stuff is going anywhere right
    this second. So, if you do nothing else on today of all days, do this:

  • Would you rather be unhappy, or uncomfortable?

    One of the most difficult things about being a professional helper is watching people choose unhappy over uncomfortable. Rather than choose to take a new, albeit uncomfortable step, they choose to sit back into their familiar unhappiness.

  • Do Our Feelings Shape Our Facts?

    [Before we begin, a warning: this may step on your toes a bit. And it’ll take you about 3 minutes to read, if you dare.]

    Yesterday I told you about my 19yo daughter reaching out to me while babysitting the other night. For no specific reason, she was frightened for her safety and for the safety of the kids. My daughter knew the facts about her situation (an intruder would be extremely unlikely), but the facts were not impacting her feelings…enough. She wanted her father’s voice, and the reassurance that comes with our lifelong relationship.

  • Feelings matter more than facts.

    My 19yo daughter is working her tail off as a full-time nanny this summer. She’s also taking babysitting jobs on the weekends. While I love this fantastic form of birth control for her, it can be exhausting work.

    Sometimes it can even be a little frightening. The other night, as the clock neared 10pm, she reached out and told me that for whatever reason, she was feeling scared for herself and the sleeping kids. “I know it’s not true, but sometimes it kinda feels like I’m in a horror movie!”

  • Who’s Your Mentor

    This week one of my dearest mentors had a tragic accident, and is facing a treacherous journey. Knowing him, I firmly believe he will surprise a few doctors (but none of us) with an astounding recovery. That’s simply who he is. To Joe and all his loved ones, our prayers and thoughts surround you.

  • The Path to Conflict Resolution

    If you want to see eye-to-eye with someone, you don’t start by going toe-to-toe. Stand shoulder-to-shoulder instead.

  • Terror in Our Homes

    I know it sounds foolish, but I honestly believe for most of us, we are more scared of those in our own homes than even the most evil terrorists in the world. This is not because the terrorists aren’t terrifying. It’s because for the vast majority of us, they aren’t terribly close. The chances of […]