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  • Smile

    Next week you can go back to being resentful, anxious, and angry. Today, just smile. Even if you can only…

  • Loyalty is Overrated

    Ask a hundred people on the street what character values they admire most, and almost all of them will eventually say “loyalty.” It is universally praised as a most likable trait.
    I, however, find loyalty to be overrated, as we typically understand it. Overrated and misguided.

  • The first step in helping others

    When someone asks for your guidance, what’s your best first step? When someone makes an emotional comment that says more about themselves than they realize, what do they need most from you?

  • Wow, What a Response!

    Well folks, it looks like we’ve got quite a few marriage gurus out there in ScreamFree land! In response to yesterday’s Daily Pause, in which I asked you guys to consider how you might respond to a man demanding  his fiancé never change after they got married, you guys blew me away with the number, and quality, of your replies.

  • Stop letting people vent on you

    Among the most destructive teachings of western pop-psychology is the idea of venting. “Get it off your chest,” we say. Well, let’s stop—unless we’re the ones they’re angry at, we’re not helping anyone by allowing people to spew their anger and frustration all over us.

  • Stop caring so little about your looks

    One of the “joys” of having teenagers is listening to them make fun of your little quirks and idiosyncrasies.
    Two of mine that get highlighted regularly are 1) I’m terrible at imitating accents (everything ends up sounding Jamaican somehow); and 2) I apparently have RJF (resting jerk face).

  • Stop trying to grow quickly

    The first step towards lasting growth is changing your thinking about growth itself. Making small, gentle changes is usually the best path to long-term progress. “Instant results” or “quick fix” options generally have a backfire effect, landing you right back where you don’t want to be.

  • Stop talking about your problems

    We see it everyday:

    –people on their cell phones, talking animatedly about what another person did to them, and what they told them (or wished they had told them) in reply

  • Stop

    We’re all busy. If it’s not the office calling, it’s the laundry buzzing,
    the microwave beeping, an aging parent, a needy friend, an empty
    refrigerator. But here’s the truth: all of that will still be there if you
    don’t get to it immediately. None of that stuff is going anywhere right
    this second. So, if you do nothing else on today of all days, do this:

  • Would you rather be unhappy, or uncomfortable?

    One of the most difficult things about being a professional helper is watching people choose unhappy over uncomfortable. Rather than choose to take a new, albeit uncomfortable step, they choose to sit back into their familiar unhappiness.