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June 30, 2015

Only the Lonely

Hal photo outside Feb2012“When we cannot bear to be alone, it means we do not properly value the only companion we will have from birth to death – ourselves.” (Eda J. Le Shan)

Now that my daughter is 18, I find myself talking less about the dangers of careless sex, and more about the dangers of careless romance. There are so many complicated emotional motives for “mating” with one person exclusively, I want her to at least have a thought or two about those feelings.

For instance, neediness. If a guy tells her he needs her and cannot live without her, I want her to say, “Well, it’s a good thing my father’s a therapist, so that we can get you the help you need.” That type of neediness is not romantic, it’s diagnosable.

Same thing with loneliness. If a guy’s motivation is how lonely he feels without my daughter, then that means he doesn’t wanna shower her with love—he wants her to stop up his drain. Again, that’s not romantic, that’s a condition that needs treatment.

Needy, lonely people have not learned to be one with themselves—how can they possibly be one with someone else?

 

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