“Children are apt to live up to what you believe of them.” (Lady Bird Johnson)

How we talk about our children is more important that how we talk to them. One of the reasons is because how we talk about our children is very reflective of what we really believe about them. If we complain about a son’s laziness, then we really believe he is slothful and impossible to motivate. If we keep referring to a 23-year-old daughter as “a great kid,” then we really don’t believe in her status as an adult.

It follows, then, that if this is really what we believe about them, then we should not be surprised if they fail to improve or mature.

If, however, we talk about our children as what I like to call “choice-ful” individuals, capable of making deliberate decisions and facing the consequences both good and bad, then we shouldn’t be surprised by their growing sense of personal authority and responsibility.

“Sometimes she is very tidy and organized.”

“Of course he can be rude, but yesterday he chose to be very considerate and appreciative.”

“She really impresses me as a woman.”

How have you been talking about your sons and daughters lately?