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August 11, 2017

Complaining doesn’t lead to change

“I find it unusual that it is more socially acceptable to complain about what you have than it is to ask for what you want.”
(Phil Lout)


For the most part, spouses would rather complain to others about their current marital pattern than calmly, authentically ask their spouse for what they want.


“My husband doesn’t even touch me anymore,” spoken to your friend, is far easier than: “Honey, I love you, and that’s why I want you to touch me and pay attention to me. I want you to want me.”


Same thing happens at work. “My boss totally undervalues me, and takes advantage of my willingness to sacrifice,” spoken to your spouse, is far easier than “I love working here, and that’s why I want the company to put more value on my contribution.”


Complaining to someone else is about getting the short-term validation you want right now; asking directly for what you want is about seeking the relationships you want most.


Perhaps this Friday, or this weekend, you could stop complaining to others, and start asking someone directly for what you want most.


Peace begins with pause,



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