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April 3, 2018

Doing is Knowing

“To know, and not do, is to not yet know.”
(Zen saying)


One of the biggest lies in our world is the lie of education. You know, the one that says, “If we just knew better, we’d do better.”


I’m not out to disparage education–it’s an indispensable part of life. I’m just calling out the lie we believe about education, that it’s just about the acquisition of knowledge.


“If we just knew better, we’d do better.” Really? Let’s all raise our hands if we know we need to drink more water every day. (My hand is raised). So, how many of us did that yesterday? (My hand is no longer raised).


Education is not about the acquisition of knowledge; it’s about the application of it. Truly learning is truly doing. It would be better to not know something, than to know something and not do it. Why? Because not only do we come across as know-it-all blowhards that way, we violate our own standards. Every time we do something contrary to the way we “know” is best, we lose respect for ourselves, and those around us follow suit; they lose respect for us as well.


Take the art of becoming ScreamFree with your significant other. Calming down, growing up, and getting closer is a great thing to know, but it is only valuable if you dig deeper, figure out what it might look like in your own relationship, and start practicing it. So…breathe, confront your own part of the pattern, and then represent that to your spouse: “Honey, you’re right. I have been avoiding you lately, and I’m not sure why.”–that’s when the real education begins.


Same with ScreamFree Parenting, or Leadership. Start highlighting choices, instead of giving commands. Start pushing your own pause button as soon as you sense “them” trying to push your freak-out buttons: “I want to hear you clearly…what is the one thing you really want to me to understand?”–that’s when the real “learning” occurs. That’s when the truths you “know” drop from your brain into your bones.


A good rule of thumb: Don’t talk it till you’ve tried it. Resist the urge to talk about something you’ve “learned” until it is something you’ve tried.


Then teach it to the rest of us, and challenge us to put it into practice.


Peace begins with pause,


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