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February 8, 2018

The Two Shall Remain Two

“Love is two solitudes that touch and greet and protect each other.”
(Rainer Maria Rilke)


Perhaps the biggest mistake couples make is assuming once they get married they are, forevermore, one combined unit. There is no more “I,” there is only “we.” Like conjoined twins, they are bound to feel the same things in the same ways, pursue the same goals at the time same time, and agree on everything always.


Then reality sets in. They are still two separate individuals — even after the wedding. They don’t always feel the same way at the same time. They don’t always want the same things in the same way. They don’t always agree.


Successful couples — ScreamFree couples — recognize that getting married doesn’t mean becoming any less of an individual. You are still an individual; now you are simply committed and connected to another individual. It is this type of individuality that allows you to connect well.


Connection is really only possible when each of us takes personal responsibility for all of our feelings, choices, and actions — regardless of our spouse’s feelings, choices, and actions. As counter-intuitive as it sounds, that is the only way two shall ever become one: by remaining two at the same time.


Peace begins with pause,



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