“People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they
are not likely to when your words are pursuing them. ”
(Rabbi Edwin Friedman, Family Therapist)

As parents, we think we have to say all the right things in order for our children to learn right from wrong. So we chase after them as they run away from us with our well-formulated lectures and witty sayings.

Instead, we should spend more time cultivating the type of relationship where they want to follow us, seek out our wisdom, and turn to us for guidance. That is no easy task.

Such a relationship requires us to sit with our own anxiety as our children make mistakes, and it demands that we calmly love them through the times that they just frankly aren’t very lovable. If we can do those things and hold on to our words until the moment is right, however, we just might be surprised at how good their hearing might be.