Changing our thoughts about change
“He knows changes aren’t permanent;
But change is.”
Years ago a couple came to me for premarital counseling. Her first marriage, his second. First moment on, it was obvious how uncomfortable the pending groom felt meeting with me. He barely made eye contact when I first greeted him, and he was demonstratively fidgety when his fiancé started talking. Fifteen minutes in, he still hadn’t said a word. Finally, he broke his silence, rather loudly:
“Look, this whole thing is stupid, and we don’t even need to be here! Everything is gonna be fine, AS LONG AS SHE NEVER CHANGES!”
That last part was screamed, and done so with a pointed finger at his would-be bride. Her look of shock matched his look of pain.
You don’t have to be a trained therapist to understand what had happened in the guy’s first marriage, at least according to him. That first woman with whom he fell in love and committed his life had obviously “changed” over the years, to the point she was unrecognizable, in his mind, or unloveable.
So now, you get to play relationship coach…what do you think I said, or asked next? What would you have done?
Lemme know by replying to this email, and we’ll post some of them later in the week.
Peace begins with pause,